April 11, 2011

Lincoln Argues for Whiskers

Written by: Rosa Morgan

Everyone knows I'm Honest Abe, 16th president of the United States, and that I emancipated the slaves, but are you also aware of the impact my beard had on men's fashion? Take note, not one president of our fine country had a beard before me! I did not come to the decision to sprout whiskers readily. During my 1860 election run, I'd received much comment on my homeliness. When Stephen Douglas called me two-faced, I shot back, “If I had another face, do you think I’d wear this one?” Joking aside, those jabs hurt, and when I received a letter from Grace Bedell, an 11-year-old who suggested a beard would improve my appearance, I took it too heart.

If you are considering growing a gentlemanly adornment, I offer a few fashionable suggestions. From the medieval Greek, moustakion, mustaches grow above the lip. If you're temperament is of a cautionary nature, then by all means start your follicle experimentation with a mustache.

Sideburns are a daring alternative. Named after Civil War general Ambrose Burnside, these patches of hair grow on the sides of the face and are worn with a clean shaven chin. Burnside cleverly finessed his sideburns, also referred to as mutton chops, into his mustache.

The frugality of growing a beard cannot be overlooked. This fine gentleman has no need for timely trips to the barber, nor the expenditures on shaving cream, razors, or styptic for the inevitable nick.

Facial hair has vacillated in popularity throughout history; either representing virility and masculinity, or eccentricity and crudeness. This fellow's beard is too much of a good thing unless he wishes to appear the wizened Methuselah.

If you are one of those poor devils, unable to produce more than a wisp of hair, there's no need to hang your head in shame. The beard generator is guaranteed to exceed all your bewhiskered expectations.

And if you happen to be a woman with mustache or beard, I say, 'Embrace it fair lady', for you shall stand out in any crowd.

1 comment:

  1. A very valuable discovery from Abe's story for young girls. If their boyfriends are not as good looking as they fancy, they could advise them to grow beard. This probably is far more beneficial outcome from growing beard which many might not have thought before reading this story than just saving money on razor blades.